Too much of the tipple?

A worrying event, recently, even in my own grappa-addled existence. While idly flicking through the pages of the latest Champions League magazine while trying to feed my daughter her porridge, I spotted an intriguing letter. "Good on that man!" I thought to myself as I read it. Essentially, it sang the praises of Milan's achievements in comparison to the three English sides to reach the semi-finals. What a laudable world view, I thought.

So, imagine my surprise when I got the end of the letter and saw my own name. Yes, apparently I sent it in "via email" but I have absolutely no memory of writing it - let alone sending it to Champions magazine. Spooky or what? The only options are 1) There is another person with my name who thinks exactly the same as I do. 2) I sent it in but was so drunk/stupid I forgot all about it. 3) Somebody aped my views and used my name as a nom-de-prune!

Whatever the explanation, it has sent me scurrying for another drink.

The where and when guide

Everything, but everything, depends on context. Where and when you do something has a great impact on how it feels. You might think I am hinting at something else but, of course, I speak of grappa.

Definitely has to be at the end of a meal, almost inevitably Italian. In the company of a large group of friends or family is best. Accompanied by a good espresso, of course. Probably served by a dark-haired, tan-skinned waitress (copyright Martinobhoy). A view of a sunset over the Tuscan hills is ideal too. After a Fiorentina victory, preferably over Juventus. With a lot of money in your pocket courtesy of a win on the horses.

Do I ask too much? Never enjoyed all of the above circumstances, but still, one lives in hope.

The pursuit of P and Q

I often wonder, when I read the blurb on the back of a book, how did the author manage to get their work done? How often do you read something along the lines of "So and so is the father of four children, aged six, five, four and one" or "Such and such is a mother-of-six who splits her time between Kent and Tuscany". How did they write 100 words, never mind 60,000 plus?

When did they get the peace and quiet they needed?

Take my house with just two children. The screaming usually starts about 5.30am (and it's not my screaming before you ask). Then children need breakfast, bottom changed, dressed, entertained, etc. Then I go off and do a day's work to return to teatime, bathtime, suppertime, stories and bed. At the end of that I can barely read 500 words, never mind write them.

Am I lazy? Or should I be more selfish and go and run to a soundproof room somewhere to get some work done? That's the trouble with trying to write - it is so antisocial. There must be plenty of parent/authors out there but it seems so daunting sometimes. It does get easier as they get older, they keep telling me. Still, I am going to try and do it, I swear I am.